I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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