butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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