with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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