We tried having a conversation with our noses.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
