Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
