Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
