David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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