officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
