If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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