Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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