I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
