dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
