Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
