She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
