this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
