Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
