Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I looked at my own cervix.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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