I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
