Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
