STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
