Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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