Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
