...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
