DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
