his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
