i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
