her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
