You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are the jesus of drinking
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
