so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
