OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
