I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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