i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
