you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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