JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
