my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
