i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
