Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
