Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
