My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
