i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
