My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
