the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
