party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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