THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
