and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
