forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
