I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
