maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
