it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
