Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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