if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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