Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
