I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
