she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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