I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
