watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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