how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
