I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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