I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
