Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
40s are totally the cure
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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